Honestly, I’m frightened.
Life is moving so quickly that I’m having trouble keeping up. I constantly have to remind myself that regardless of the circumstances, God is good. He is good and He has given me a good life.
When I look back at the past year, it’s easy to see that. It’s easy to look back at the good and ugly pieces and see how they all fit together for my good. They say hindsight is 2020. Looking forward, however, is different. Forward is scary. There’s no ‘Aha!’ moment when you’re looking forward. There are only maybes and what-ifs. That’s scary.
Maybe my brother will finally get clean and stay clean. But what if he doesn’t even live long enough to see how many people are rooting for him? Maybe Allen and I will live happily ever after. But what if somewhere down the line, we lose the will to root for each other?
I don’t even know where I’m going with this. I just needed somewhere to (sort of) organize my worries. They never stop swirling in my head and plaguing my heart. I know I probably sound like a broken record, but I’m constantly trying to stop worrying about things I can’t control. One of my (many) great character flaws is that I struggle to just let God take care of it. That is my race, and I’m running it.
Honestly, I’m frightened. But I know God has my back.