Mental Health · Reflection · Relationships · walk of faith

“When are you going to have a baby?”

Please please please stop asking me when I’m going to have a baby. We want to have a baby. But sometimes it’s just not that simple.

About 9% of men and 11% of women in the US of reproductive age have experienced fertility problems.

These numbers run through my head all the time. What if we are part of that statistic? What if we can never have a baby? It becomes even more hurtful when people constantly ask when we’re having a baby.

Firstly, it’s no one’s business but ours whether or not we have a baby. Secondly, you don’t know whether or not this is something we’ve been struggling with.

When we first got married, we decided we wanted to try for a baby. We tried unsuccessfully for 7 months before we decided to stop. (I had quit my job and lost my medical insurance.) When I found a new job and finally got new insurance, we decided to try again. Until we were forced to stop after just a couple of months because I was having abnormal spotting and needed to get multiple tests and ultrasounds.

As my doctor tried to figure out what was wrong, I couldn’t help thinking of dozens of scenarios. At worst, what if I had cancer? At best, what if I had a condition that made me infertile? I kept thinking that this was it. I wouldn’t be able to have a baby.

It turns out I have a little polyp that I’m having surgically removed. And removing polyps has been shown in some studies to increase fertility. So there is some hope!

But still, please be sensitive. Please be kind. I have been through a roller coaster of emotion with my fertility in the last 2 years. It’s hard enough to be happy for all the people around me having babies. I would appreciate it if people could at least stop asking me when I’m going to have a baby. I wish I knew the answer to that question myself.

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