Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul. ❤
Most people make New Year’s resolutions. I’m more of a reflection kind of gal. I enjoy looking back on the ups and downs of the last year. A year is a wonderful measure of growth. What was 2017 like for me? 2017 was a year of discovery. So much happened that I actually need to look back at my Instagram feed to recall some of it.
I cosplayed at an anime convention, and it was SO MUCH FUN. I’ve always been too afraid to even consider doing it. Sure, I love anime and manga, but I wasn’t very public about it. I didn’t want people to think I was weird or tease me. But a funny thing happened: I got so many compliments. People were so encouraging. Not only during the convention, but both my real life and online friends were so kind. I felt good about myself (something I’ve struggled with my entire life).
I got engaged! At Disneyland! *Insert squealing, tears, and ring flashing* Although Allen has become one of my most trusted best friends, our relationship started with so much hurt and anger. It wasn’t until more than a year after we started dating that our relationship became a happy one. I knew I wanted to marry him, but I thought it would be years before we ever got engaged. So color me surprised when he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. Yes, it still blows my mind.
If you didn’t know, Allen and I left the comfort of our family and home in Hawaii to move to Las Vegas at the end of 2017. I was so scared. I didn’t want to tell anybody that we were considering moving. I dragged my feet in telling my boss that I was leaving. It broke my heart to tell the kids I worked with. To be honest, it still hurts. I still cry sometimes. But the pain is accompanied by excitement for our new lives. I was led to work at a design agency. Allen and I are working on buying our own house. The truth of the matter is that none of this would have happened if we had stayed in our comfort zones. We had to become comfortable with the discomfort.
God called me to do some pretty crazy things in 2017. He has a funny way of qualifying the called instead of calling the qualified. I would not consider myself qualified. But isn’t that the point? My walk of faith is characterized by exactly that: faith. God is constantly teaching me to just trust Him and have faith in Him. I’m not very good at it. I am a worrier. I am a dweller. I hold tightly to my burdens and refuse to give them up. But He always reminds me to give my worries to Him, and I (eventually) do.
If 2017 was a year of discovery, I’m going to call 2018 my year of rediscovery. The first step: blogging. I started this blog because I’ve wanted to write blogs for years but could never find the courage to start. I wasn’t afraid that people wouldn’t read it so much as I was afraid of the people who would read it. I was afraid of oversharing. I was afraid of being judged. But I’m leaving that behind in 2017. Now that I work as a social media specialist, I’m remembering how much I love writing. I’m not very good at communicating verbally, so writing helps me to meditate on my thoughts. It’s time to focus on how wonderful it feels to put things into writing.
At the exact moment I write this, I am sitting on my bed with a sheet mask on. Next to me, my fiancé is snoring blissfully away. The K-drama “I Am Not A Robot” is playing on my iPad (it’s sooooo good T_T). My gigantic Yoshi plushie is right next to me. I am at bliss. Is this what happiness feels like? To feel so content and grateful for the most mundane things? God has been way too good to me. I definitely don’t deserve any of this. But I am nonetheless thankful.